Andrew works with EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) to get to the heart of the conflict between couples, which he is finding to be more prevalent as we come out of the COVID-19 government enforced lockdown, and this month we examine the first four reasons why EFT works, continuing with four more in June.
Firstly, we now know that attachment needs are universal, and operate at all ages.
Everyone needs a safe person to turn to for contact, comfort and reassurance during difficult times, and the couple bond needs to be reciprocal.
Secondly, Andrew’s experience is that couples’ conflict and disconnection is the number one reason people seek counselling, including conflicts over jealousy, sex, finances, parenting, in-laws or other issues are not just about the specific content you argue about At their core, these fights are about not feeling you are valued by your partner, and when the most important person in your life is not available, you feel distressed and often become angry, anxious, fearful, distant or numb. Regardless of the content, the deeper reality is that we all need to know that our partner is there for us.
Thirdly, EFT targets the negative cycles of interaction, as we know that every couple has conflict at some stage of their relationship. When your behaviour becomes toxic, conflict destroys the love, intimacy and connection you once shared.
Finally, EFT heals what really matters. In our close relationships, we all need to know that our partner is there for us when we need them. EFT is designed to help you heal the deep hurt, disrespect and betrayal that you feel, as we know that beneath the harsh words and angry tone are pleas for love, acceptance, support, protection and comfort.
As this progresses inevitably, we don’t feel safe in expressing our more loving feelings, but over time, with support we can begin to really hear and understand each other and respond in a safe and loving way.
Winchester Counselling are offering secure online individual and couples therapy, and during COVID-19 Levels 2 and 1 Andrew will be in person at the office, and of course will continue to do Zoom online counselling, so for more information on marriage counselling, relationship counselling and marriage counselling Christchurch please go to https://winchestercounselling.co.nz .