Christchurch Therapist Takes on the Big Winter Plunge to Support Grieving Kiwi Kids

For Christchurch psychotherapist Jo Doyle, getting into freezing South Island water is about much more than testing her tolerance for the cold.

The child and adolescent psychotherapist has been taking part in Kenzie’s Gift’s Big Winter Plunge, a nationwide winter fundraising campaign supporting tamariki and rangatahi whose parent or sibling has died or is seriously ill.

Jo works with children and young people up to the age of 20, helping them navigate some of the most difficult experiences a young person can face.

Through her work, she sees first-hand why professional grief support can be so important.

“Losing someone close is a life-changing event, and it’s really important that that child gets held and supported,” Jo says.

Grief can shape a child’s development

Grief affects everybody differently, but for children and young people the death or serious illness of someone close can arrive while they are still developing their understanding of relationships, emotions and the world around them.

Jo says the death of a parent in particular can have a lasting influence on a child’s life and development.

Supporting a grieving child therefore involves much more than simply encouraging them to talk about what has happened.

Every child, family and situation is different.

Jo’s work considers the wider context surrounding each young person, including their family relationships, culture, religious beliefs and existing support network.

Parents and caregivers often need support too, particularly when it comes to deciding what to tell a child about a serious illness or death.

Questions such as how much information to share, when to have those conversations and what words to use can be incredibly difficult for adults to navigate while dealing with their own emotions.

Professional support can help families approach those conversations in a way that is appropriate for the child and their circumstances.

Children do not always express grief through words

One of the challenges when supporting children through grief is that they may not be able to explain exactly what they are thinking or feeling.

Jo says children need the time and space to experience their emotions without feeling pressured to “move on”.

Therapy with younger people can therefore look very different from the traditional image of two adults sitting in a room talking.

Art, play and behaviour can all provide ways for children to express feelings that they may struggle to put into words.

A trained child psychotherapist can observe the way a child communicates through those activities and help both the child and their caregivers better understand what may be happening emotionally.

Turning cold-water swimming into support for Kiwi families

Jo is no stranger to cold water.

Based in Ōtautahi Christchurch, she regularly joins a group of dawn dippers for Sunday morning swims in the sea.

During this year’s Big Winter Plunge, she turned that enthusiasm for cold-water swimming into a way of raising funds and awareness for Kenzie’s Gift, including a planned plunge at Lake Brunner on the West Coast on 23 August.

The Big Winter Plunge encourages people across New Zealand to brave cold oceans, lakes, pools or ice baths during August while fundraising for Kenzie’s Gift.

For Jo, the challenge also creates an opportunity to start conversations about subjects many New Zealanders still find uncomfortable.

“As a culture, we’re not very good at talking about death and dying,” she says.

“People avoid it, and they get really fearful of it and so Kenzie’s Gift gives us a space and a purpose to talk about all the things that come up around death and dying and grieving.”

Supporting young people when families need it most

Kenzie’s Gift is a registered New Zealand charity providing professional mental health and grief support for children and young adults affected by the death or serious illness of a parent or sibling.

Its services include one-on-one therapy with registered mental health professionals, support kits, practical resources and information for families navigating serious illness and bereavement.

The charity believes no young person in Aotearoa should have to face grief or serious illness alone.

Fundraising initiatives such as the Big Winter Plunge help make that support available to families without adding another financial burden during what can already be an extraordinarily difficult period.

For therapists such as Jo, the importance of having specialist support available to young people is something they see through their work every day.

The cold water may only last a few minutes.

The support it helps provide can have an impact for far longer.

More information about Kenzie’s Gift, its professional grief support services and ways to support the charity can be found through the Kenzie’s Gift website.